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My husband and I just moved up here in May. We have a 2 1/2 yr old and a 10mo old. Before we moved hubby was in the Marines, and yea the pay wasn't amazing, but we made it. Now that we are here he is working a job that pays barely over minimum wage, and we are having to stay with his Dad. His dad's house is smaller than most people's basements...lol We are packed in here like sardines, and my 2yr old is seriously acting out. She started acting out about the time that hubby decided that he wasn't going to re-enlist and that we were moving to his home. I didn't take this very well, so I think I am to blame for some of her acting out. She was able to tell that Mommy was really stressed about this, so she got really stressed as well. Now that we have bounced around from family member to family member we managed to stumble upon a house that the owner was giving it away because it had a fire two weeks before, and he didn't want to deal with fixing it up. Well the fire damaged area is the least of the problems, but we are working to fix it up piece by piece. What is actually going on is that with everything being so very out of control, and my 2yr old acting out even worse than ever I am at a loss. I run a home-based business, but with living in my father-in-laws house while we are fixing ours up...I can't babyproof! I feel like I am constantly telling her no...don't touch that...leave that alone...don't hit your sister, and just constantly calling her down! I don't get a break if hubby is home he is either "getting ready to leave and go work on our house", or has to go to the bathroom...I mean I get excuse after excuse...when he gets home from work he doesn't want to be bothered because he just got off of work, but can't seem to understand that the only time I get a break is when they are napping and most of the time that is a chore to get them to nap! I have been pretty much stuck in the house due to finances for quite a while, but have really been pushing my home-based business the last few months, and have starting growing my business. Before anyone asks yes most of his family is in the area, but my mil cancels a lot. I quit getting my 2yr olds hopes up until she is literally on the way to pick her up, but I need a break!! I can tell that my overwhelming stress level is affecting me, my children, and my parenting! My sister-in-law has volunteered to let my 2yr old take a vacation to her house to play with her 2 kids while I try to get some help with coping with everything being so out of control. My life hasn't been this out of my control, since I was a kid! My oldest has only spent one day away from me at the most, but I am worried that I am losing control of me with being so stressed that even I am becoming out of control! I am very untrusting of psych doctors (childhood experience...nothing disturbing, but confidientiality was not kept when it should have been), so I am really scared to just pick one out and make an appointment not to mention the cost, but I need help coping with this stress and getting back some kind of control! I know I will never be the perfect parent, but I want to be the best I can for my kids! I know that not everything can be in my control, but I need help on how to deal with the things that should be...well not being. I can't say where they can play with their toys, nor when. My father in law is trying to be very understanding of the situation, and that none of us are happy living like this. My oldest is use to having her own room and a play area filled with toys, so going from that to just 5-6 toys, and can only play with one at a time is a drastic change, but the house is extremely small, and more than one or two small toys and the entire living room is completely overrun! The house we are fixing up is about 3X the sqft of his dad's house plus a basement, so once we are able to move into there she will have space again. Does anyone know of any programs or anything that can help me deal with her acting out and my stress level! I feel like I am constantly on edge, and can't relax. We are about a month away from being able to move into our house, so stability is in sight. I want to try and figure out how to handle the stress better, so that when difficult situations arise I am not letting it affect everything around me! Thanks for your help and sorry so long!
4 Comments for "Very New to the area! Help please!!!"
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Change can be very stressfull especially when transitioning out of the military I would imagine. Having a 2yr old can be very challenging along with everything else you are going through as well as juggling the needs of a 10 month old. You have a full plate for sure. Lets not forget its winter and we can all feel trapped at times when the weather is a factor in our daily routine making it even more stressful.
Have you considered a support group to help with stress management ? These are typically free and you can meet others who are sharing similiar experiences. I am sure you could google some local hospitals and perhaps even here on Milwaulkee moms. This may feel like a more comfortable option for you since you had mentioned you felt unsure about going to a psychologist/psychiatrist. You could look into the parentingnetwork.org.
I know you said you work from home, and have a 10month old, but maybe even going to a moms group or play group once a week would help lighten the tension. Some sociallizing time for both you and your daughter ? Does your husband get home from work at a time where you could get out and have some alone time. Even if its at a library to work on some of your buisness stuff or a coffee house?
You are obviously a good mom because you can recongnize and admitt to whats going within you right now. You want to manage your stress instead of ignoring it and letting it continue to effect you.
Just incase you want to consider 1:1 therapy here is site that provides info on local thearpists and may help if you chose to go that route at some point.
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/cities/Milwaukee-Therapists.html -
Thanks! I actually read a few articles, and they suggested that talking to a pastor could be very beneficial as well, so I have emailed the pastors at a local church asking for help. I have been trying to get us out of the house some, but with doing that comes it's own set of challenges...We are on a very stric budget right now, and gas prices are pretty high so I have to becareful about going out too much! They both love getting out of the house, so I try to do it as often as I can!
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Hi there,
I've been in your shoes before with three children under the age of two at one point in my life. I felt very much homebound and isolated, and had many of the same symptoms that you are experiencing. Good news is, they are older now and life is great. I'm not sure where you live, but here are some options for you that I found to be respite for myself a few years ago:
Bayview community Center (1320 E Oklahoma Ave Milwaukee, WI 53207
(414) 482-1000): Playgoups Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri from 9:30am-noon and Wed from 1:30-3:30. For Newborns to 3 years olds, and costs $1 per visit. They used to offer free coffee for adults and snacks/juice for the kids.
Join a church in the area that has a strong community and get involved with one that has a "Moms" type of group.
In the summer there are lots of parks and playgrounds that you can take your kids to as well as zero-depth wading pools in parks that are free to enter. I think there are lots of resources on this milwaukeemoms website that offer ideas for "getting out" and meeting other moms.
Also, you don't have to see a psychiatrist in order to get some type of medication to help with what seems to be like anxiety and possibly depressive symptoms. Go to your Primary Physician and they can recommend a script that help with both, and it will hopefully help with your symptoms and enable you to cope better with your life situation.
Wish you all the best. -
You sound like a great mom. I know the stress of having such small children so close together. There are a lot of low-cost or free activities in the area. Bayshore mall in Glendale has a free child play area near the food court. Great for letting off steam. I believe Southridge mall has this as well. The Milwaukee Domes has free admission on Mondays(?) Which is a wonderful way to get warm out of the cold. Milwaukee public museum also has free admission one day per week. Betty Brinn chlidrens museum, the zoo, The Big Backyard in New Berlin, Sussex McDonald's, or try meetups.com and look for a mommy and me group. Good luck. This will pass.
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