I got the "you're a bad parent" scowl from another parent as I was leaving Emerson's school after dropping her off this morning. You all know what I'm talking about, don't you? It's the furoughed eyebrows, pursed lips and disapproving "Well I certainly wouldn't have done that!" look mastered for centuries by Catholic nuns and German nannies who's first and only name is always "Frau".

The school where Emerson goes has a very nice drop off system in the morning where all the cars snake around in a big "S" shape so that at the end of the "S" your kids open the door and run up to the school door without having to cross through the parking lot. As someone who's primarily responsible for dropping the kids off in the morning and likes to be to work at a reasonable hour, I like this system a lot and have been one of the very few parents with a child as young as Emerson who utilizes it.

A lot of other parents still walk their kids in K4 in to the school, and that's great. It saves me time, it's safe, and most of all it gives Emerson a little bit of managed responsibility. After we've stopped and it's her turn to get out, she really likes unbuckling herself, saying goodbye to Carter and I, and negotiating the roughly 29 foot drop from the door of our SUV to the ground. Her escape method is always a bit precarious, but practicing not slamming your fingers in the car door 5 days a week really beefs up the hand-eye coordination.

My one rule for her after she's out the door is that she has to run up the steps - where there are two teachers always watching the morning drop off ritual - to class so by the time I've pulled away, I know she's safely in school.

Anyways, while I was driving away after dropping her off, I noticed out of the eye that wasn't watching her run up the stairs in the rearview mirror that there was another parent getting her own K4 student out of her parked car giving me the afore mentioned scowl. In my minds ear, I could hear the distinct voice of Dana Carvey playing the "Church Lady" on Saturday Night Live saying, "Wellllll, Dan Cody is one of THOSE parents then is he?" or something equally disapproving.

It got me thinking as I drove to Carter's school (He does get the walk in and hug goodbye treatment still) about how a lot of parents seem to be a lot more overprotective in general than what I remember when I was a kid.

We got a bit caught up in all that when we had our first baby of course. Every time Emerson would stir as an infant, we'd be awake and ready to spring into action. Or when it was below 40 degrees, we would dress her in clothing that would normally been found on the body of a scientist studying polar bears in the Arctic Circle.

Like most parents, we eased up on the overprotection after a while. So much so that Carter is now one of the top knife jugglers in the 2-4 age bracket for the latest reality TV show to exploit children. I'm half joking of course.. he hasn't yet graduated from flaming bowling pins, but I digress.

But I still see a lot of parents out there who insist on hosing their kids down with Clorox every time they touch the handle of the shopping cart or use the swings at the local park. I have a feeling the mother I received the scowl from this morning fits into that camp and buys Purell by the 40 gallon drum.

But as a child I also remember things a little differently, and I suspect many of you do as well. I remember as a fifth grader walking the three blocks from our house to school every day with two littler brothers in tow and making sure they got home as well when school was done. How often do you hear about or see that happening these days? As parents, we were the first - and only I suspect - "latch key" generation.

Now it seems as though we're reluctant to voluntarily bestow upon our own children the same kind of responsibility that was mostly forced on us. I can't help but wonder why that is.

As a generation that was forced to deal with the repercussions of the new "dual income households" dynamic, we all seemed to make it through OK. Not only did we make it safely too and from school on our own, we managed to stay out of trouble until our parents got home from their jobs. Well, except for that one time with the paint bucket and washing machine. Sorry dad.

I often wondered how we managed to go from one of the most independent generations of children to one of the most overly protective generations of parents.

It's something that I personally want to changed. I see the positives in raising children who learn to do things on their own and feel the satisfaction from figuring out something on their own. It's one big reason why I like to let Emerson run up to school every morning on her own. In a world where children are shielded at every turn by their parents from anything and everything that has even a remote possibility of harming them, it's good once in a while for them to learn that they can successfully navigate this world on their own without the kind of harm their parents are constantly fretting about.

Speaking of getting hurt, the parent who gave me "the scowl" this morning was so busy telegraphing her disapproval of my cavalier parenting style towards me that she wasn't paying attention while getting her daughter out of her car seat and managed to bump her little head on the door. Thankfully, Emerson's class mate seemed more stunned than actually hurt, but I couldn't help but think about which one of us was doing a better job at looking out for the safety of our children.
 

So Carter's school has put in a new policy this year in an attempt deal with the swine flu. It goes like this: if your child has a fever or a runny nose or is coughing, they get sent home for the rest of the day. If they have any of those symptoms in the afternoon, they're also required to stay home the following day as well.

I totally understand that schools around the Country are trying to protect their students - our children - from the swine flu as best they can and are implementing some of these new policies to do so.

At first, I was very happy with the new policy implemented by Carter's school. It seemed logical that if any kids were showing the signs of swine flu that they should be removed from school so they didn't get everyone else sick. The first time I was asked to come pick Carter up because he was the one exhibiting symptoms, I thought, "No problem, glad they're on top of it".

However, one month, two trips to the doctor and four missed days of work later, I'm starting to have second thoughts about the new policies.

The problem we've been running into is that when Carter has a runny nose, we get the call to pick him up because it's a "symptom" of swine flu. When he has a cough, it's a "symptom". When he wakes up from a nap and is warm with a low grade fever, it's a "symptom". All of these mean that we not only have to leave work early to take him home, but have to take the following day off as well.

Needless to say, this is causing some issues at home and work. My fear is that at this rate we could run out of vacation time before the year is out. Not to mention that we're paying for day care we aren't able to use.

It's a tough line to walk of course. I obviously wouldn't want other kids in Carter's room who had swine flu to get him or anyone else sick, nor do I want Carter to infect his friends, but we can't keep up the pace of our own child being sent home once a week because he's got a "symptom" of the swine flu.

I've heard other parents at Carter's school express their own frustration about the new policies and how they think staff - most of whom have no medical training outside of CPR - are over reacting to the slightest sniffle or cough. Staff are in an uncomfortable position as well because they're just following the policies sent down by school administration. School administrators are probably enacting such tough policies with a "better safe than sorry" attitude.

It's probably not a long shot to say that everyone in the process has some degree of frustration. But as it's only the first official month of what could be a very long flu season, I don't see how it's possible for things to continue without some changes.

What are your thoughts? Is anyone else dealing with an overzealous swine flu policy with their schools? Or is what Carter's school doing completely reasonable?

How's that old song go? "Breaking up is hard to do"?

For about the last nine months, Emerson and Carter have been going to the same school/day care on Milwaukee's West side. It's been great for both of them, and for the most part, we've been very happy with the school. About a year ago however, we decided to try to get Emerson into a K-4 school a bit closer to our home that came highly recommended by friends and neighbors. So we put an application in just about a year early with the hope of getting Emerson a spot by the start of the '09 school year which started a few weeks ago.

Unfortunately, word about what a great program this particular school is well known within the City and we were placed on a wait list last Winter. As the months progressed, we were hopeful a spot would open up, but to ensure she was able to get a spot in her current school, we had to apply there as well. When the end of August came and went, we were a bit disappointed that no spots opened up but were happy to wait it out another year in hopes of having her in "for sure" for K-5.

As things like this seem to go, we were contacted three days after the start of the school year by the K-4 school we were on the waiting list for and told that a spot had opened up for Emerson which we jumped on immediately. So on September 4th, she started her new K-4 school.

She's a pretty easy going kid so I wasn't too worried about the switch from her standpoint. It also helped that one of our neighbors down the street also had a girl in the same classroom that Emerson would know right away.

What did cause some uneasiness was letting her old school know about the change. Obviously, her previous teacher was disappointed that Emerson would be leaving and wanted to know if it was anything to do with her teaching style or the school in general. I said that no, it wasn't anything in particular. But how do you relay the decision that you obviously think one school is better than another (or else why would you move your child?) to those at the old school? It was uncomfortable trying to walk that line of praising her old school and teacher while explaining our decision to transfer her.

The complicating factor in this whole thing is that Carter still goes to Emerson's "old" school. Often times while dropping him off or picking him up, I bump into one of Emerson's previous teachers or one of the administrators there.

It may just be me, but the cheery "Good mornings!" that used to be a staple of my daily routine at the "old" school have been replaced by awkward "Hi's" and averted eyes. I feel the mood towards us is much different now that Emerson has moved to her new school and that's a bit disappointing as we still have one child going to that school and I would expect any teacher or administrator to treat each family the same whether they had one or three kids going to their school.

I get the distinct feeling that every time I walk by a couple administrators at the "old" school while dropping off Carter, they whisper to themselves, "Well I wonder when they'll be pulling Carter out…".

Like I said, maybe it's just me and my active imagination at play. While I certainly hope that's the case, I get the feeling from time to time it's not. As many parents know, a critical part of how our children do in school is the relationship between the parents and the staff at the school where they attend.

I hope that unlike in the Neil Sedaka song, this situation is seen as less of a "break up" and more of a "moving on".


 

I live in the Washington Heights neighborhood on Milwaukee's west side with my wonderful wife of six years Jenny, our four year old daughter Emerson and two year old son Carter.

I've been blogging for nearly 10 years now, mostly about politics on the local, state and national level. One of the reasons I'm excited to blog for MilwaukeeMoms.com is I feel that some of the cultural shifts we're seeing in society with more women becoming the primary income earners and more men staying at home being "Mr. Mom" have left a lot of those "Mr. Moms" struggling to find their place.

This was made very clear to me on a recent visit to the doctors office with Emerson. While we were in the waiting area she picked up a book to read and I picked up a copy of "Parenting" magazine and began to browse through it. I was surprised to find that the entire focus of the magazine about "Parenting" was on how women deal with the role of parenting. The entire issue was void of any mention of men, much less those of us who are fathers. If an alien race beamed down to Earth and picked up a copy of that issue of "Parenting" magazine, they would have left with the very clear impression that procreation and rearing of the human race was a distinctly feminine task.

We're moving towards a more equitable society where traditional gender roles are shifting. The roles of a mother and father are not so clearly definable as they were when even I was a child. I'm proud to be a part of shifting those traditional gender roles and look forward to writing about the perspective of fatherhood from that vantage point as a "Modern Milwaukee Dad".