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Your Name: Rachel Schickowski
Children: Oliver
Work: Marketing
Favorite part of being a mom: Revisiting childhood things I love, watching my son discover new things, snuggles, hearing “mama” and the anticipation of all that’s to come.
Little known fact: I was born with Arthrogryposis and need crutches to walk. More info at www.mylegisnotbroken.com
Famous for: Surviving two years with little freedom – imagine not being able to go out with your kids alone
Twitter: @legisnotbroken
Sunday was a crazy day. Oliver likes to say I was at my wedding. Not sure where he got that but I kinda love it. It was a big day for me, so he was on the right track I guess...I stood in front of a bunch of strangers seated along with 22 of my favorite family members and friends (you know who you are...xoxo) and read a letter I wrote to Oliver.
It carried a similar message to the stories I share on my blog. But hiding behind my laptop is much safer than on a stage, with a spotlight on my face. The experience was an honor, pushed me to new limits and in the end I loved every second. I totally encourage you to audition for the 2014 LTYM.
My Life as a Disabled Mommy
In my life as Oliver's mom, I feel like I can't keep up. In my journey as a disabled mom, there are days when I long to skip ahead a few years. But despite the challenges and occasional tears, I am forever blessed.
Dear Oliver:
Yep, I use crutches to walk. This may sound weird, but I often forget. When I dream, I never have them. My body is strong. It doesn't cross my mind until someone on the street or in an elevator asks "How'd you break your leg?"
Looking back, my life before you was pretty easy.
It was on St. Patrick's Day, when I peed on the stick and saw the results. I was excited, I was scared. I was mad. There were still things I wanted to do. I mean I felt a crazy love for you, but guilt, too – because I wasn't 100 percent excited that you would be camping out in my belly for nine months.
Throughout my life, I became comfortable with my disability, for my life story, it made sense. But that didn't mean that I didn't desperately want you to be normal.
Months passed and my belly grew. I would sit in your bedroom and pray to the heavens above that you would be born with a strong body. Hands that could bend straight. Legs strong and sturdy enough to run and jump and dance their way through life. I wanted you to be able to flex your ankles if you wanted to, and give high fives when life called for it. And I wanted you to know how insanely lucky you are to go through life without physical limitations.
It's taken me a whole life to learn how to find a way. I mastered things in my time. Having you was scary. You were little, so small, helpless, and needed me.
We figured things out together. When I was slow changing your diaper and you screamed, I would just cry along with you. When we were home alone without daddy and I wanted to go to another room, I'd stick you in the stroller and take you along. I asked those who cared for you to not stand and rock you. I was afraid that you would grow used to that and I wouldn't be able to soothe my baby.
That would break my heart.
During your baby months, we called you "Angel Baby." You were so easy, I like to think you knew mommy was different and wanted to help her. But as the toddler smarts started to brew in, things changed. You became opinionated. And you noticed things.
Your dad was the one to carry you and give airplane rides. He was the one to scoop you up when you got hurt and the one with the strong arms that carried you to the car after a long day at day care. No one held a candle to "Dada."
Some things you never think about, until they happen. One morning I went to get you out of your crib. You shook your head and crawled to the far corner – away from me – and said over and over "no, no, no. Dada."
It made me so sad.
I carried you for nine months.
I prayed over you in my belly for 270 days.
I devoted a year to nursing you.
I tell you every day that you are perfect.
I was the one who shed tears on your first day of day care.
I am your mommy!!
It's not fair.
But you're noticing things. The other morning I was fixing your hair and you grabbed my hand and just stared at it. You then poked my wrist, where it stays bent and said, "mama."
Then you smiled at me.
I almost cried.
That night, I went to give you a bath and you leaned against me and let me fight my way down the row of tiny little buttons on your shirt. I was halfway down when you looked at me with your big eyes and said, "mama stuck." You know more than we think.
And you keep learning.
You know you can out run me.
You know I can't carry you away when you act up.
You run to the other side of the car now, wanting me to chase you.
When you've had enough of my kisses, you brush me away, saying "no no no."
But then we have moments.
Nights like this.
We were all home after a long day at work, the weather was perfect. The leaves were floating down from the trees and filled our street with color.
You started walking down the sidewalk and grabbed dada's hand. Then you held out your hand to me, looked at me with big blue eyes, and invited me to join you.
But I can't walk and hold your hand like that. I can't hold my crutches and your hand, too.
In that moment, my heart shattered.
I would have given everything to take your hand and walk with you. I want so desperately for you to understand why.
A few days later, as I got into an elevator, a man holding the door open for me said, "Uh oh. That doesn't look happy."
That doesn't look happy.
In the end, how we feel is up to us.
Yes, life with a weak body stinks.
Crutches are annoying.
I can't do all the things I want to do.
I hate asking for help.
But I also have learned this… we are all given a hand of cards in life. How we choose to play our hand is up to us. You can dwell on the bad cards or embrace your pair of eights.
And I hope that having me as your mommy will make you a better person.
So love yourself, Oliver. Be your own biggest cheerleader. You can do anything. Take small steps and it pieces together, in the right time. You just have to get off that chair. Laugh at yourself. Never lose that twinkle in your eye.
And know your mama is not done kissing you yet.
I have been a terrible blogger. It's pretty sad. I think of things almost daily that would make great blog posts but it seems like work, laundry, family, friends and well, life in general, sucks up my time.
I'm not so sure how I'm going to find time for my fall TV line-up that's about to return. My DVR is going to be smoking! {grins}
I went to pick up my son Oliver from daycare again the other day. This new sense of freedom is amazing. I'm still holding out for the day we go to Target together and can shop alone. Maybe he'll carry the basket for me. I'll probably cry. It will be sheer magic.
So back to the whole picking up Oliver from daycare story... All went well, we got in the car, cheered on the way home, I told him how awesome we are and then we landed in our driveway.
The small red button on car seats are brutal, they are so hard to push and totally hurt my finger.
I climbed in the backseat and fought with it. Meanwhile, Oliver made grunting noise and comments like, push hard mama, as I fumbled around, sweat dripping down my forehead...thanks to the never-ending heat wave this summer in WI. {major dislike}
On the seat next to me was a pile of Oliver's superheroes. I grabbed one and quietly pleaded, Dear Lord, please help me get him out. Oliver smiled at me and said, Dear Lord, help mama. I smiled back at his sweet face and with renewed zest, I attacked the red button with the hard plastic foot of good ol' Aquaman.
The button instantly popped open and Oliver scrambled out of the seat. It was a sweet moment of victory, hearing my son's first prayer for help and being with him as it was answered.
Life is good.
Check out my adventures being a mom with a disability at www.mylegisnotbroken.com.
My son will be 3 in November. At daycare they encourage using the potty so I wanted to make sure I was reinforcing this at home as well. To be honest, I was dreading this process thinking it would be a long and messy battle.
I decided to take the dangle a carrot approach and make it fun.
I made some charts and we started small. Short term goals work best to get me going with a new goal; I figured he’d be the same.
POTTY RULES:
Every time you go potty – you earn a sticker and a few M&M’s
Going #1 = 1 sticker
Going #2 – 2 stickers
Fill the chart and you win a prize. Pictures of the prizes were included so he knew what he was working towards. He will do anything for action figures so I knew he would be motivated.
The first potty on the toilet scored a prize. Then we bumped it up to three and then six, etc. We are now up to 14+ potties gets a prize.
I know I dropped some cash on prizes but I figured when it was all said and done, I will come out ahead because we hardly go through diapers anymore. I’d rather spend money on toys we play with then diapers that fill up landfills.
This potty adventure has filled our house with cheering, hugs and a lot of fun. I never would have guessed that it would become a fond memory I will cherish. What methods have worked for you?
Chili’n on the Avenue | July 21st from 11AM to 5PM
If you happened to miss my last plug for an upcoming event in East Tosa - I wanted to make sure I shared the news one more time.
I was recently on The Morning Blend to share the details, check it out.
We’ve got a TON of super fun family-friendly activities planned, various local food and shopping vendors, as well as a stellar entertainment line-up. i hope you can come.
This event held on North Ave between 68th and Lefeber Streets in Tosa and will offer fun for all ages. For you Milwaukee mamas, expect the following activities for your kids:
For more details visit EastTosa.org or Facebook.com/EastTosa.
Looking for a fun way to spend the afternoon with your kids?
Check out Chili’n on the Avenue in Tosa!
We’ve got a TON of super fun family-friendly activities planned, various local food and shopping vendors, as well as a stellar entertainment line-up:
11:30 John Stano
1:30 Saturday Night Preachers
3:30 Paul Cebar Tomorrow Sound
And of course, we can’t forget the CHILI!
This event held on North Ave between 68th and Lefeber Streets from 11am-5pm will offer fun for all ages. For you Milwaukee mamas, expect the following activities for your kids:
- Bouncy house/Inflatable fun
- Obstacle courses
- Games from the YMCA
- TSU Ramp Jam
- Tosa West Trojan Dance Team
- Tosa Fire Truck on-site
- Gelato stand
Packing up the kids and getting out of the house can be a chore, I totally understand. But on the bright side, your family will have a great time and for those of you with little ones – an early bedtime is in your future!
For more details visit EastTosa.org or Facebook.com/EastTosa.
My son is getting very opinionated in his last few months of being two.
Yesterday the heat index was 110. I thought we could spend the day at the museum to stay cool, he insisted on wearing his hat and staying in his dirty clothes.
I have become a professional spin doctor, tricking him to do the things I want but making it feel like it was his idea. Sadly, it doesn't always work, if you were at the museum and heard Batman screaming.... Yep, that was us.
What are your tips for surviving this age?
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