Making the Pieces Fit

I've been home sick for the past day and a half.  Thanks to my little blue-eyed Petri dish, I came down with an ear infection, a sinus infection, an upper-respiratory infection and the beginning of strep.  Needless to say, I hit the proverbial jackpot of winter illnesses.  Forced to stay home today by my husband (and a fever), I had a really difficult time just laying down.  My mind raced with at least 20 other things that I could be doing at that moment, not including what I should have been doing -- working.

Why are there only 24 hours in each day?  That's simply not enough.  Especially considering that 8 are spent sleeping (hopefully) and 8 are spent working (thankfully).  Add in the other necessary evils (errands, bills, cleaning, transportation) and the day is gone before I even got a handle on it.  Moms, I know you feel me.  Autism aside, I'm a Mom just ilke you.

If you could do everything you wanted to, what would you do?

I want to read.  I LOVE reading, but it's so hard to find time.  A luxurious bubble bath?  Ha -- I take a five minute shower, if I'm lucky.  I also KNOW I can't be the only person who has the hardest time changing pages while on the elliptical, which would be the only time I'd really have to read.  I set a goal of reading a book a week.  Yeah...I'm pretty far behind.

I want to travel.  Money is an issue to, but I would love to take my boys to the places they'd like to go.  Blake wants to go to the Hockey Hall of Fame and Cristian wants to go to Disney World.  And me?  I'd really like to go somewhere where fruity drinks are flowing and dolphins are my only sense of entertainment.

I want to take time for beauty.  Make-up is non-existant on weekdays and my choice of hairdo is a ponytail -- the true decision for me is to make it a full or half.  I have recently found that I love nail polish...but I need to pencil in time to paint my nails.  It's hard for me to excuse a half hour for a manicure or four hours to get my hair done when I could be spending that time with my son, especially when I think that his teachers see him more often than I do.

I want to exercise.  It's a necessary evil, but I really love the feeling I get after a half hour on the elliptical and a trip around the circuit machines.  I love blasting my music, but I unfortunately end up thinking about what needs to be done.  Phone calls I can make, errands I can run, e-mails I can return.  I feel guilty for taking the time to do something that I need to.

I want to volunteer.  I always wanted to be one of those moms that helped out in the classroom and really made an impact in their kids' school -- like my mom was.  Unfortunately, teachers need help the same hours that I work.  I'd love to be more involved in Cristian's classes, his daycare and even in the community.  A little sister would be great (i.e. Big Brothers/Big Sisters), but I barely have time for my little one.  The support group is a start, but...only one person showed up.  I keep telling myself that Rome wasn't built in a day, but the sting is still there.

I could go on, but I don't want to preach to the choir.  You're probably reading this thinking that there's so many other things you could be doing at this very moment.

Where's the instruction manual?  Or the magic pill that allows us fulfill all of our responsibilities AND accomplish all we want while looking good AND making it all look easy?  Every mom is a Super Mom.  There are so many pieces to our puzzles -- children, family, work, exercise, beauty, hobbies...just to name a few.  I'm exhausted thinking of them all. 

What are your tips and tricks to make all of the pieces fit?  At the end of the day, can you hang up your cape and be content with all you've done?  Can you tell me how you can do things for yourself without feeling a huge case of Mommy Guilt?

We all have pipe dreams growing up. I’m not talking about the “two and a half kids, a dog and a white picket fence” dreams—those all come true in their own special way. Besides, who has half a kid and white picket fences get dirty easily.

I’m talking about the “I want to be president of the United States” dreams. Sure I threw around a lot of different possible careers growing up including nurse, veterinarian and librarian, but president definitely had to be the most out there. I do care about people, animals and books, but definitely not politics. I’m not sure what possessed me to write that I wanted to be the first female and Hispanic president when I was 11 on a questionnaire. Maybe I thought it looked impressive or made me appear more intelligent – either way that is the pipe dream I’m talking about.

Every dream that I had – pipe dream or not – changed the first time Cristian was placed in my arms. His dreams were now my dreams. I had dreams for him, with him and about him. All my previous dreams seemed so insignificant compared to my new ones.  And as he started to grow, so did my dreams. Soon my dreams of learning his cries and surviving sleepless nights turned into dreams of playmates and mommy/son outings. Life’s dreams for you are often different than your own dreams, however – my little aggressive wanderer taught me that.
 

My dreams again changed upon receiving Cristian’s autism diagnosis. Instead of mourning what could be, I put on my big girl panties and reminded myself (and everyone else) that dreams don’t die – they evolve. Did I really think that my dreams for my son included finding a daycare that worked with his special needs or meeting someone at a Halloween event who showed me the therapy we wanted him to have was still possible? Of course not, but I was as happy when those milestones were accomplished as I was when he first spoke or walked – and would be with anything else he accomplishes. Just because his dreams are different doesn’t downplay their importance for him.
 

Always the planner, I planned dreams for myself as well. Cristian was given an amazing gift and I wanted to share it with others who had been given that same gift. As I previously mentioned that dream was tarnished when we didn’t find a support group fitting our needs in our area. I channeled my 11-year-old self and dreamed a little pipe dream. I was going to start a support group of my own. Maybe it wasn’t something as grand as presidency but it was grand in the lives of families dealing with autism.

Inspired by my blog post, I knew what I wanted to do but had no idea how to proceed. I sent out e-mails and networked. Amazingly, I got a bite right away. There was a real need for my idea – many others were dreaming my same dream. I was offered the chance to step up as an organizer and happily obliged. I truly think that advocacy is my calling and that fate took over. Pun intended -- the pieces fit together perfectly. Without any further adieu, I’d like to introduce you all to my “little pipe dream that could.”

Puzzle Busters has truly been a labor of love thus far. None of this would be possible without the love and/or support of my family and friends, and especially my husband (my handsome right-hand man), my mother (my inspiration for advocating), Nicole from Easter Seals (my graphically-inclined organizer), Kevin from the Richardson School (my wonderful space provider) and of course, Cristian (my reason for dreaming). It really takes a village to raise a child and to advocate for them as well.

I’d also like to thank Milwaukee Moms for giving me a voice. I don’t think that any of this would have been possible without the experience, confidence and resources provided to me. I especially would like to thank Katie for being so supportive and welcoming throughout the process. I really don’t mean to sound like an acceptance speech, especially because this ride has just begun, but I am definitely not a one-woman show and do not want to give off that impression. What has been accomplished is no small feat for families affect by autism in the Milwaukee area. I can only hope that a large void is filled and families receive the support and understanding they seek and deserve.
 

Here’s what I need from you all, my dear readers. Please help to get the word out. Check out the wonderful website Nicole helped create. Give flyers out and encourage others to attend, or even have them e-mail me if they have any questions. I have so many ideas and plans for this group, but the Puzzle Busters will be absolutely nothing without support from families who we can support as well. I am looking forward to meet future friends, playmates for Cristian and families we can grow with. Do you have any ideas or suggestions?  If so, please share! Please note that we are working on Facebook and Twitter for the group as well!
 

Following in the footsteps of Rachel and Katie, I invite you to watch The Morning Blend with the lovely Molly Fay and Tiffany Ogle a week from today – Wednesday, February 15th from 9am to 10am. If you work, DVR it. I plan to talk about how our diagnosis really has helped me dream and give me the courage to strive to make sure they don’t remain pipe dreams.

I think it’s funny that this will be posted on the 4th anniversary of finding out that we’d be having a boy. My life hasn’t been the same since that day, but I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. The pattern may be completely different than I originally imagined on my life’s puzzle, but thanks to Cristian, I’m putting the pieces together.