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Your Name: Alexandra Rosas Schultze
Children: I am blessed with three sons: Alec age 16, Xavier age 14, and August age 9
Work: I work part time as a caterer, and freelance on several national blogs.
Little known fact: Little Joe from Bonanza picked me up and planted a kiss on my cheek at the 1965 Wisconsin State Fair.
Famous for: I have the worst case of literalitis. When someone mentions they need a new mouse, I assume it means the family pet has passed away.
When it comes to disrespect from my children, my blood pressure rises. I cannot move beyond that moment in time when I hear that barrel full of words of disregard for me as a human, aimed right at my head.
I feel we are to respect everyone we share space with. If we share a home and live with someone, then it goes double. If that person you interact with is the one who bore you, it rises to the millionth degree. I believe that if we show respect to our children, that they will mirror that back to us. So far, so good... until the piece of your heart that goes walking around outside of your body begins making hormones by the gallonful.
I thought I knew I'd have exactly the tricks up my sleeve that I needed for being the mother of teens. I had fresh memories of how I was raised during this part of my life, and I knew a whole lot about what NOT to do. That's all you need to know, right, what NOT to do? I never thought I'd need to have the ace in my pocket of what TO do.
Why am I awake right now, at 1:30 a.m., sitting on the sofa eating chocolate chips thinking of what happened in our home tonight, instead of sleeping the sleep I need so much? Because I love my children and when miscommunication between us escalates to a level where you start thinking how much you'd love to have them get their own bodies back and forth to where they need to go, make their own dinners, keep track of their own schedules and Dr. appointments -- well, that's not a healing, productive train of thought for anybody. No matter how good it feels. I am awake, buzzing with thoughts of what I should have done with my teen tonight; asking myself how I could have parented better. These thoughts of pro action are being interrupted by whizzing personal reprimands of all the triggers that flew from my side and right onto him.
I know what I could have done differently now, eight hours later, and it would've been the right thing to do. The mature, zen seeking mother I want to be Plan of Action. I have it. Right here, in three simple steps, how to put out that adolescent fire.
Taming a Teen in Three Simple Steps:
Step 1: So easy, just shuttup. Pretend you don't feel the sting of their words that feel so personal. Let them wail, vent, curse, explode at the crappy day they had. Don't interject, don't advise, don't smirk at the perceived miniscule events they're ranting on. Now is not the time. Listen, and drive: your two jobs.
Step 2: Go to your happy place when they tell you it's your fault they missed that important meeting/assignment/deadline. Later, you can bring up their own scheduling capabilities. The flame is high, don't throw the corn oil on it--avoid that after school explosion. If you need to, keep driving and take the long way home. When it all simmers down, show them how to keep track of school, sports, work, assignments, meetings, on their own calendars.
Step 3: This should have been Step 1, really. Pick them up with a snack in the car. Low blood sugar, a disappointing day, a minor break out on the cheek, and it's every man for himself. Have a bagel, have a travel pak of Pringles, have something. Let them crunch and munch and carb load while they unload. It won't hurt.
Warning: Be open to accepting a heartfelt apology from them when they give it, not when you're ready to receive it. As much as the non parent ego person that still lives inside you from years ago wants to shout, Fresh Wound! Damn straight you should be apologizing ...did you hear what you said to me? Don't do it. With a generous and unconditionally loving spirit, accept and thank them for their apology. They don't like being little sh*ts, either. And they know when they've been one. Just like we do.
UNDER no circumstance ever say, even under your breath, I can't wait till you're away for college. Never sink that low. We are the adult, they're not. Instead, think things like, Wow. You're sure ready to be on your own.
Keep a mantra ready. Mine is, This, too, shall pass. I've been using it for the last 16 years.
And pass too quickly, it shall.
There are formal thank yous to be sent, paperwork to be filed, our homes can now go back to a somewhat balanced state -- but all that can wait.
Our first annual Listen To Your Mother Show took place May 5, 2013 at Alverno's Wehr Hall.
And Jen Gaskell, the co producer, and I, have to thank the city of Milwaukee for coming to celebrate Mother's Day with us. Thank you to the cast of milwaukeemoms.com bloggers for giving our show the magic we knew it would have.
Our guests found their way to our stage after the show to say, "I had no idea!" "Wow. I couldn't picture it, but this was amazing."
There was the wonderful "I'm coming back next year, with my mother!" But best of all, "I think I want to be part of this."
There are so many moments that are gratifying, like the executive director of our local cause thanking us afterward and telling us, "I really, really loved this."
All of this was possible because of the support of family, friends, and our Milwaukee community, through attending and being witness to the power of shared experience.
So powerful because there is energy being exchanged between reader, audience, producers. It's a charge that begins at point A and is received by point B who's been hungry for it, which thrills point A to be able to feed it, and grows into something like a Tesla coil that can't be held in a room anymore! I swear, mid show, I thought we were all going to faint from so many breath-held moments.
More on all that later, the almost fainting and all, but we can't begin today without shouting
Milwaukee, the cast and production crew of Listen To Your Mother Milwaukee, THANKS YOU!!
* * *
Our Milwaukee Listen To Your Mother Show featuring MilwaukeeMoms bloggers is only one week away! It is beautifully venued at Alverno College’s Wehr Hall, the date of Sunday, May 5 is secured and the 3 pm showtime is set. Parking is right there and free.
TICKETS are now on sale and you can buy them here.
And there are 14 tantalizing reasons for you to want to be at this show.
14 delightful reasons like:
Eavesdropping in on an early morning bathroom mirror play-by-play as a woman discovers her first wrinkle.
Laughing out loud as you hear of the adventures of a doting grandmother who accidentally becomes topless, right before some less than appreciative eyes.
Being whisked away by a published poet who transports us to a place where a mother sees the ethereal importance of the work she does every day.
Discovering how our unplanned plans become the very plans of life.
Witnessing a mother fall so head over heels in love with her baby, that all she can do is allow herself to surrender and sink in deep.
Lamenting with a teenage boy who brings you along for the ride as his technophobic well-intentioned mom turns to Dateline for her source of internet safety knowledge for her son.
Come to our Listen To Your Mother Show and hear these stories and NINE more… each one just as fascinating and unique as the ones listed here.
We are also proud to announce that our entire show will be interpreted for the deaf and hard of hearing community by two generous and talented ASL signers, who are donating their time and energy. Come meet Leanne and Kat and be mesmerized by the beauty of words put to sign.
If you’re ready to honor and celebrate Mother’s Day by creating a new and exciting tradition of hearing live on stage readers share their stories of motherhood, then we invite you to Alverno’s Wehr Hall, Sunday May 5 at 3pm for the First Annual Listen To Your Mother Show.
Purchase your tickets today so you don’t miss out on this experience that will leave you smiling, laughing, drying a tear, and cheering. And wanting just one more story…
Listen To Your Mother Shows: honoring Mother’s Day with a microphone, a podium, and a stage. Okay, footlights too, but that’s just so you can see better.
We hope to see you there — so come and treat your mother to something special, celebrate your friends by spending time together, score points with your mother-in-law with some one-on-one, and don’t forget how much your sweet grandma would love a day out.
Come join us as we Listen To Your Mother!
Jen and Alexandra
Listen To Your Mother Milwaukee
*BONUS REASON #15: A portion of ticket proceeds will benefit Sojourner Family Peace Center (http://www.familypeacecenter.org/), an organization dedicated to providing education, advocacy, and resources to keep people safe. Sojourner Family Peace Center is committed to creating communities where people live peacefully.
Hello! I've been away for awhile, but it's because of something very good.
I'm working on something exciting and I can finally reveal the good news here! I'm part of something that I fell in love with ever since I took part in it two years ago. And this year, I have the good fortune of bring something thrilling to the Milwaukee area. It's the Listen To Your Mother show, and many of the milwaukeemom.com bloggers you love are part of it! So, if you're looking for something special to give your mother, your friends, other people in your life, this Mother's Day come join us as we celebrate Mother's Day early, on Sunday, May 5, 2013, at 3PM at Alverno College's Wehr Theatre.
Bring your mother, and anyone you'd like to share in a special time with, to an on stage live readings event presenting the voices of motherhood. Our show is rated PG13.
The mission of each LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER production is to take the audience on a well-crafted journey that celebrates and validates mothering through giving voice to motherhood–in all of its complexity, diversity, and humor.
LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER aims to support motherhood creatively through artistic expression, and also financially–through contributions to non-profit organizations supporting families in need.
Come hear 12 voices, all reading their original work, on what motherhood means to them. Give the gift of time together and come be part of a one of a kind experience as part of what brings us together as we celebrate Mother's Day by giving Mother's Day a microphone.
Tickets are $15.00 and available at http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/364538 . *Ten percent of gross ticket saleswill be donated to Sojourner Family Peace Center.
For more information please email LTYMmil@gmail.com, or call 414-939-LTYM and visit our national website, where you can see the bloggers who are part of the cast.
We hope to see you there for an experience you will not forget!
America's heads are still reeling from the Sandy Hook tragedy. The morning news shows during peak coverage featured experts detailing psychological profiles, weighing in on what happened that day. Radio and television talk shows advised us on how we can protect our children and teach them how to bounce back from tragedies.
Of all the shows that I tuned into during Sandy Hook , it was a guest that GeorgeStephanopoulos interviewed that had me running for my pen and paper to take notes. I never did get his name--I remember he was a child psychiatrist--but he had golden words of wisdom. Brilliant enough, that I am sharing them here.
Building Optimism in children's lives, teaching our children this skill, is crucial to survival. Optimisim frames hope, it knocks despair and hopelessness and negative thinking aside for possible positive outcomes.Optimism, or a positive outlook, reduces stress and promotes peace of mind. We can encourage our children to adopt ways to reframe their thinking when faced with challenges, even when they are in bouts of depression.
1, Teach your children to communicate. Model this by you yourself coming to them, reigning in your emotions, when approaching sensitive or difficult topics. Always keep the lines of communication open by reminding your children you are there to guide them and help them steer their course. Let them know, tell them often, they are not alone in their struggles.
2. Treat your children with respect and kindness. Compliment them, comment on their good behavior, tell them you love them. A hug, a kiss on the cheeck, a gentle arm around their shoulder--all of these methods bring surges of reassurance to the bewildering years of growing up.
3. Teach your children that disappointments and set backs are part of life and TEMPORARY. Give examples from your own life of what you have overcome, and how perseverance and positive self talk helped you find your way back to a successful state of mind.
4. Let your children see you set aside your needs for theirs. Listen to them without interruption and without multi tasking on other things. Show them compassion and support, remind them again and again, they are not alone in their struggles.
We only have our children for a short while, work on strengthening emotional connections by having your children see just how much you value them.
My teen son came home tonight after a youth meeting at church. He said, "Mom, they finally took your advice. They had a speaker tonight that didn't talk to us like we were in grade school."
He made me laugh, but he also re-affirmed what I have tried to explain to teachers, other parents, catechists. Teen children in 2012 are not the teen children we were.
Their world is different. So vastly different; they have access to information, relationships, opportunities, many with consequences that an adult wouldn't be able to handle. The cell phone, the computer, twitter, iPhone: things capable of placing them in adult situations.
Telling our children simplistically, "Don't do this!" isn't going to affect a decision, or change their heart. Our parenting and leadership goal should be one of information, consequences explained, and why we take the stance we do regarding the action.
Our children can obtain things we wouldn't dream of, via the internet. They can find out about things our world would never encounter, via a two minute search on the computer. They can text a friend, receive a photo they never even asked for. Their world is one where our imagination stops short.
Most poor decisions are made under the condition of impulsivity. What is more impulsive than a teen? With body competing with mind for all that the world offers. My belief is that if we present the facts, raw and straight forward, about the potential risk of destructive behavior, then that information will be at their brain's surface when a situation arises.
It is the unknown, the undiscussed, the unpresented, that comes looking for them. When it knocks at their door, I want my children to call up the knowledge I've put out to them. Just that niggling of information that knocks around their sharp, young brains, may just be the pause they need, that makes them look twice before they take a step in the wrong direction.
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